Dating Chinese Men,  My Life

Engagement

January 7, 2014 /

finnish chinese coupleChinese men are said to be shy, but not when they know what they want. When I met my boyfriend Alan on 8th December 2012, he took my hand and decided not to let go. He talked about marriage very early on the relationship, like during the first days kind of early. I think that was his way to make sure I was in for real and for him to show he is serious with me.

Then one night last Autumn he asked for my hand. It’s an amazing feeling to know someone has chosen you and wants to spent the rest of his life with you. And even more amazing when you feel exactly the same. We bought our engagement rings on 24th November 2013 and told our parents and friends.

rings

We have now set the date for 2nd May 2014 and I’m happy that at least part of my family will be attending for sure. My mom, smallest brother, little sister and her boyfriend already bought tickets today. My older little brother and my dad are still unsure of their work schedules, but I hope they will make it.

I can’t believe that I’m able to spend my life with Alan and our story is just beginning.

At the moment I’m spending my holiday in Finland with my family and friends. Blog posts about Alan’s little sister’s Chinese wedding and how it feels like to be back home are on the way. If you want to follow my more recent news, you’re welcome to like my Facebook page.

 

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43 Comments

  • Rossella
    January 7, 2014 at 4:32 am Reply

    Happy you got a nice boyfriend and getting married :) I have a chinese boyfriend too and I agree that when they know what they want they are really serious, he told me we will marry for sure but I said I need to until I graduate from college at least hehe anyway I will start following your blog since maybe I will move to China too, it’s interesting :)

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    Sara Jaaksola Reply:
    January 7th, 2014 at 7:17 pm

    Thank you Rosella! You’re plans sound very interesting! Would love to hear more about you :)

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    Ellen Reply:
    January 8th, 2014 at 12:06 am

    Haha, Rosella, I know exactly what you might be feeling and experiencing now. I also met my Chinese boyfriend (fiancé) at the university and he made it clear in the early beginning that I’m the one forever! This idea was so frightening that I considered dumping him at least 500 times. Haha! I’m glad I didn’t do it. It’s very-very wonderful to be in a relationship with a Chinese man (given that he is a normal Chinese, and not a wannabe).

    Rosella, I suggest you partying and having fun NOW as much as you can (preferably with your BF), reading Sara’s earlier blogposts (dating back to 2011)… and we hope to see you soon in China :D

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  • Kaiser
    January 7, 2014 at 9:29 am Reply

    恭喜恭喜！十二年前二十四岁的时候我娶了我既美又聪的华夏妻子。从那时候到现在我们一直极为高兴。我祝你们最佳的婚姻！

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    Sara Jaaksola Reply:
    January 7th, 2014 at 7:17 pm

    谢谢你！

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  • Al
    January 7, 2014 at 9:38 pm Reply

    So nice you’re getting married, are you staying in guangzhou permanently:)If so I may have to learn cantonese from you:)我很
    為你高興
    真羨慕你

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    Sara Jaaksola Reply:
    January 8th, 2014 at 12:56 am

    Thank you Al, but I have to learn Cantonese first my self :)

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  • Ellen
    January 7, 2014 at 11:54 pm Reply

    Two thoughts came to my mind when reading this blog post :)
    Firstly, Chinese men might seem shy and seem (!) act shy, but in fact, they are simply calculative. In other words, they sit and concentrate before storming. Like cats :D for example my Chinese boyfriend (khm, fiancé), at first it took him very long to take any step, but once we got into the relationship, then things started unfolding VERY quickly so that I even freaked out. Never-ever underestimate a Chinese man! :P

    Secondly, Chinese men date to marry. That’s for sure. I guess, you, Sara, have already mentioned it before, but worth mentioning anyway :P
    it is no shame in China to ask a girl/woman shortly after an introduction, whether she’s married or not.

    Finally, you and Alan look remarkably cute and great together. I wish you everlasting love! :)

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    Sara Jaaksola Reply:
    January 8th, 2014 at 12:56 am

    You put it extremely well Ellen! Chinese men seem shy to those that don’t know them very well or don’t know the particular person. I guess as they date to marry, it’s more important for them to make good decisions in the beginning too and not to usually (gasp!) rush into anything.

    Thank you Ellen, I wish they same to you and your chosen one as well :)

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  • victor
    January 8, 2014 at 1:46 am Reply

    I Hope you have learned about family customs all these years studying in China. Traditionally when a couple marries its an agreement between both families, and in order for each one to be accepted one must succumb to the orders of the other. Mostly the woman will succumb to her husband family. As a Chinese, one advise, after you are married do no live with your husband parents. As they will try to force you into submission thus control, its an old (2thousand yrs) chinese habit/custom, little has been written. Most chinese know these customs from their families and foreigners find out after they get into a relationship.
    Wish you best on your marriage.

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    Sara Jaaksola Reply:
    January 8th, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    Thank you Victor!

    I’ve been living with the parents for almost a year now and we are moving to our own house (almost next to the parents) during this Spring.

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  • Jacqui Remmus
    January 8, 2014 at 1:54 am Reply

    Dear Sara, I wish you and Alan all the best, may your marriage be long and filled with love and mutual understanding and respect! I still hold on one day you’ll write about gay and lesbian Chinese-Western couples, as you once hinted. on your FB;)

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    Sara Jaaksola Reply:
    January 8th, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Thank you Jacqui!

    For that blog post I would need someone to write a guest post as I’m not the best person to write about gay and lesbian couples. I would want someone with their own experience to write on that topic :)

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  • R Zhao
    January 8, 2014 at 8:14 pm Reply

    Congrats, Sara! That’s really big news!

    My husband and I also fell in love and got engaged rather quickly, at least compared to most people in my home country. We celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary last month–it’s hard to believe how fast time has gone.

    Hope you have a nice time planning your wedding. We married in the U.S. and didn’t do anything in China as it’s my husband’s second marriage. It’ll be interesting to hear about the process in China and what your wedding is like! Hope you get a chance to post about it.

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    Sara Jaaksola Reply:
    January 13th, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    Thank you :)

    Yes, we are quite quick as well. At least if you compare to my Finnish friend who is getting married in May as well after being with her bf for 9 years! But well, Chinese date to marry and rather sooner than later ;) I’m perfectly happy with that.

    I will absolutely blog about the wedding, the preparations and perhaps on the legal side as well. We probably only have this one wedding in China, luckily at least part of my family can participate.

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  • Jocelyn Eikenburg
    January 9, 2014 at 8:18 am Reply

    Congratulations Sara! I’ve followed you over the years ever since you decided to move to China to pursue your own dreams and always hoped you would find your happily-ever-after. It’s so heartening to see you’ve found someone wonderful to spend your life with. 恭喜恭喜！

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    Sara Jaaksola Reply:
    January 13th, 2014 at 4:56 pm

    Thank you so much Jocelyn! It’s been a long road to happiness, but it’s amazing to finally be here.

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  • chinaelevatorstories
    January 9, 2014 at 10:06 am Reply

    Congratulations! And how great that part of your family will be able to celebrate your wedding with you and your Chinese family!

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    Sara Jaaksola Reply:
    January 13th, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    Thank you! Yes, I’m so so happy they can come.

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  • Esther Celestin Wang
    January 12, 2014 at 7:35 pm Reply

    Congratulations! I too am married to a Chinese man…welcome to a nice, rollercoaster ride. My husband was also VERY shy when we first met…at a bus stop! I paid for him to say thanks for helping me catch the right bus, he wans’t too thrilled about that, but ended up marrying me anyway…and it has been a whirlwind from there! I see you’ve been living with the parents a while, so that is good for preparation!! I was lucky his family accepted not only a foreigner, but a black foreigner with arms wide open. LOL Good luck to the two of you! You look amazing together!

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    Sara Jaaksola Reply:
    January 13th, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    Thank you Esther!

    Wow, you’re meeting sounds like from a movie! And so glad to hear your Chinese family welcomed you so warmly.

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  • Chris
    February 23, 2015 at 3:22 pm Reply

    I live in US and have an American girl friend. I hope we can sustain our relationships. I know it’s hard and I admire your amazing understanding of China and toward your husband regardless of such a big portion of US women not list Chinese men as their choices. Good luck for both of us. Understanding and communications are so important. What other important factors would you consider as important on sustaining the relationships between the two? Thanks.

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